Through God's Eyes

Yesterday we had a nice little family reunion with my parents, brothers, and sisters, etc...  Sounds nice, right?  Well it ended up being so, but beforehand, I was a nervous wreck.  I'm sure that sounds really strange to you, and it is, but you see I suffer from anxiety.  So any little thing can make me anxious.

I can't tell you how miserable I was before this reunion.  I cried, I panicked, and I had myself all worked up.  I talked to God, and I talked to myself.  Why?  Why was I so afraid of being around my family?  They are a wonderful family.  I mean these are people I love and grew up with, so why am I so anxious when it comes time to be around them.

Then, as I was reading my devotion yesterday, I read this:  "Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes".  Was that it?  Was I so afraid of how they view me?  None of them have ever given me any reason to feel that way, and I realized it's me.  I see myself this way, and I think I'm projecting this onto my family - onto everyone around me.  Because I suffer from social anxiety, I automatically assume that others are judging me.  I feel inferior; I'm afraid of doing or saying something that will make me feel stupid or embarass me.  This is all me; I'm learning that.

We can't discern how others feel about us, and God doesn't want us to feel this way.  He doesn't want us to try and please others; He only wants us to please Him.  When we try to please others, it takes away from our desire to please God.  God wants us to see ourselves through His eyes...as one who is deeply and eternally loved.

"When a man's ways please the Lord, He maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him."
Proverbs 16:7